Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
