yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
