I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
