Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize