Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
