I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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