he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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