on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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