Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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