my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
