I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I cockslap morals
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this just has baby written all over it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
