I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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