I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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