My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
