I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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