like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
