Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
