we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
