The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
