Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
