Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
