think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
