he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
