yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
