Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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