Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
