White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
