im drinking this country out of the recession.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
