i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i out mim tonsoeep
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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