I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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