can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
