I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize