you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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