No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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