I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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