Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize