my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
