So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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