My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
