burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
