So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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