why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
