I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
