do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
