If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
