it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
