GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
