apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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