If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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