Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
