remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
