he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
