This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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