I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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