Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You are the jesus of drinking
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
