Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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