3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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