woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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