I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
