Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
