Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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