he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
