i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
