when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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