It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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