my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
