You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
