HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
