I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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