Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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