You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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