You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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