Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
