I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
