Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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