i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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