Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
