ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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