Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
