Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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