You can't motorboat a personality
you win again, gameday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize