I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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